gracespeaks

byebye blogger.

2006-12-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

i've shifted.
catch me if you can.

to yvonne.

2006-12-27T21:54:00.000+08:00

yvonne,
all i want you to know,
is your lovelies never left you before.
we'd still be around,
but maybe at times we use the hard way to get thru to you,
because we need you to wake up to reality,
and we want the best for you.
always.

please don't give up on yourself,
and most importantly,
us, your lovelies.

tomorrow spells fun!

baby's homecoming.

2006-12-26T18:20:00.000+08:00

all this missing, thoughts and addictions,
are just driving me nuts.

sometimes i do wonder why i've became who i am today.
someone who can't do without a partner at all,
simply put it, what you call a 'lovefool'.
love isn't everything,
but sadly love takes up most of my life.

gawd,
i really need to find other meaning in my life.
rather than just love love and still love,
it's getting nowhere.

eeeeeeeeeeee yeah,
baby's homecoming.

joy plus joy.

kiss kiss.

2006-12-25T17:00:00.000+08:00

o connie darling,
don't be upset anymore.
here's a kiss for you!

smooooches.

lousy xmas.

2006-12-25T09:40:00.000+08:00

merry christmas to all!
hohoho.
santa claus is coming to town.

o wells,
i had a bad xmas actually.
my phone dropped into the water,
and now it's totally spoilt.
tell me tell me,
how do i survive without you phone!!!!

' smoke gets in your eyessssss...'

her head grew bigger than when i first met her.

oh, that's hong hong and li li.

a rose and a kiss from conn lovelie, santa's present.

and we could never be happier.

i'm still upset,
who says blogging makes you feel better.
doesn't really apply when you just lost a phone aite?

nonsense.

xmas eve.

2006-12-24T00:48:00.001+08:00

hohoho.
it's christmas eve today,
i'ma have lotsa fun on this special day.
because it's my first xmas with my lovelies.

thou i miss baby,
who's still faraway in japan.
merry christmas eve, baby.

photos, i promise.

boooo you.

2006-12-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

GRACIEEE says:
tomorrow we go guess k
GRACIEEE says:
i want take picture down of my bag
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
orh later they catch u i laugh
GRACIEEE says:
huh will catch meh?
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
u dunno cannot anyhow take photos one meh
GRACIEEE says:
oops then you help me k
GRACIEEE says:
we divert their attention

i don't remember you saying goodbye. has been added to the conversation.

"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
von ah
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
grace very stupid
i don't remember you saying goodbye. says:
huh
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
she wana go guess take photo of the bag
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
i say will get caught
i don't remember you saying goodbye. says:
HAAA
GRACIEEE says:
you all help me la
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
thn she ask me divert their attention
i don't remember you saying goodbye. says:
BIMBO.
GRACIEEE says:
ok?
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
BIMBO
GRACIEEE says:
nooooo i want
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
eh she from retail mgt one ah?
such simple thing also dunno -.-
i don't remember you saying goodbye. says:
haha
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
buay tahan
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
why she liddat one ah?
"I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love." says:
faints
i don't remember you saying goodbye. says:
HAHAHHAHAA
GRACIEEE says:
whats wrong
i don't remember you saying goodbye. says:
IM GONNA BLOG ABT THIS

lovelies,
don't need to blog about it already,
i'd blog it first.
because i've repent on my mistake,
for being so bimbo ok!
really what,
i didn't know cannot take pictures one.
you mean they got put it on the entrance
"NO CAMERA OR PHOTOTAKING ALLOWED!" ?!

chey.
i'm a bimbo, and they love me.

guess handbag.

2006-12-22T21:30:00.001+08:00

gorgeous isn't it?
but it can only be my second 'love at first sight'.
i've yet to take/find any pictures of my first love.
gawd, i want it so bad.

it's oh, so pretty.

imaginary xmas.

2006-12-22T17:28:00.000+08:00

my xmas wishlist,
happiness.
peace.
joy.

haha, that was the imaginary one.

the 'love at first sight' guess bag,
n70 handphone,
more moolahs weekly,
booboo the papa black sheep.

and most importantly,
more love from everyone.

and a merry christmas of fun,

grins.

damn.

2006-12-22T01:40:00.000+08:00

gawd, it's only been a day.
and i miss my boyfriend so badly.
not that i've never been apart from him before,
it's just when we're apart (mainly because he's busy with life),
at least we get to contact by phone calls and messages daily.
now now,
this is horrendous,
we can't even contact for a week,
given that it's 80cents per sms received or sent.
like what the hell.
he can't text me,
and worst still,
i can't even text him because he will have to pay just by receiving it.
grrrrrr.
japan expenses are sure HIGH up in the sky.

o wells.
nuff of whining,
whining doesn't help make the situation any better.

damnnnnn.

8 months.

2006-12-21T00:20:00.000+08:00

you're twenty mins late this time.
i wonder why.

and i realise,
i said something wrong.

happy eighth anniversary
to you,
and to myself.
to us.

fun fun fun.

2006-12-20T23:30:00.000+08:00

it was vivocity with lovelies and their mom and brother.
and then to plaza singapura for more shopping.
oh, i miss that guess bag.
it was the family feeling,
that i've missed for quite some time.
yeah,
today i didn't get to meet baby before he leaves for japan,
i realise how terrible it is to miss someone and not being able to see him.
guess it's gonna be a tough week for me.

pictures.

one terrible week.

2006-12-19T19:25:00.001+08:00

tell me i'm not the only one who hates the weather.
not that i don't love the cooling feeling rain gives,
and how nice it is to sleep on rainy nights,
it's just, too much rain.
non-stop rain,
that hinders my travelling.
i don't even feel like going out now,
puddles of dirty water's everywhere.
and i so hate being dirty.
i do love rain,
but that's a once in a while thing.

gawd, holidays just barely started.
and i'm so sickly,
down with a terrible headache from the fever, a bad throat and cough.
i'm missing out all the fun and long nights of good sleep.

baby's leaving tomorrow night,
i don't know how it's gonna be like when he's away for a week.
he says (sarcastically) i could be like a single lady when he's away,
but no, i don't wanna have that kinda life,
i don't miss my single life anyway.
so yeah, guess it's all down to missing and more missing till he's back.

will you still love me in the morning?
baby, you're right.
i only dare to type it out,
and not say it to you.
you made me blush yesterday;
but you made me love you more too.

faraway, one week.

pig love.

2006-12-18T14:40:00.000+08:00

hohoho.

puzzled.

2006-12-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

one love.
two love.

or even four love.
how many can one actually have?

it's amazing.
when all i can give,
is all of my love to one man.

puzzled.

xmas promotion.

2006-12-17T21:40:00.000+08:00

for this christmas,
everyone must buy me a pack of minitoons pick'n'mix gummies.
the winner with the largest pack,
gets a present from me.

hohoho.
hurry hurry all,
it starts now.

when you're away, i'd be lonely.

you suck.

2006-12-16T19:30:00.001+08:00

what's with being paranoid,
about love rivals who come and go.
it's pure mental torture,
these doubts shouldn't even exist.
your mind games just drain me inside out,
why do you want to spread love around,
this love can actually just solely belong to me.
right?

what do i want for christmas,
only dear god knows.

this christmas, i'm gonna make everyone buy me a pack of minitoons gummies each.
and whoever buys the biggest pack, gets the xmas present from me.
woohoo.

oh yeah.

2006-12-16T17:30:00.000+08:00

good o' saturday,
and i'm stuck home.

why why why,
obviously it's because everyone's pretty busy with their own plans,
leaving me all alone at home.
this just sucks,
holidays just started,
and i'm starting to hate it so much.
because it's supposed to be eventful and busy for me,
but it turned out the other way round.
maybe, just maybe,
things do change.
like how people change,
when they no longer need your company.
no phone calls,
no messages,
no meet-ups,
no dates.
maybe yes, but just lesser.

yeah, that's right.

and i'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms from not being able to sunbathe like usual.

mom, gimme money.

2006-12-16T15:10:00.000+08:00

I AM SO BROKE.

BROKE, BROKE, BROKE!

xmas is coming soon,
but i've got no money to spend.

fuck.

i miss my boyfriend.

fuck cab fares.

2006-12-15T16:00:00.000+08:00

i'm back to those i-wish-i-have-a-car days.
i swear public transports are professional silent killers.
long bus trips with god-knows-who-will-sit-beside-you someone,
with all the cursing and swearing if it happens to be some old chiko pek, stink people or those old aunties who like to sit real hard on the seat, thinking the harder they drop their asses on the seat, the more satisfaction they can get.
sometimes i wish those seats where made of metal or wood,
to teach them a lesson giving them a pain in the ass.
and cab fares are total daylight/nightlight robbery,
especially midnight charges,
why do those meters jump like nobody's business.

lesser nightlife,
means lesser expenses,
but means lesser fun.
so how how how.

virgin golf.

2006-12-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

three cheers,
tests are over!
god, why do i hate examinations so much,
they just drain all the stress and energy outta me.
but yeah,
they're over,
finally.

and i can't wait for christmas and the new year to arrive!
hohoho.
present, presents.
party, parties.

it was baby's house,
then virgin golf at driving range today.
all down to one word,
fun.

excluding the unexpected heavy rain,
leaving us having to wipe the car dry,
but the short ride was uber fast,
and shiok.

and also, grace cursing and swearing away because there's no sun.
tanning, and tanning.
it's all i ever want now.

gimme the sun la!

the last.

2006-12-13T20:30:00.000+08:00

i've got the feeling it's over.

i've woken up, or maybe not.

i ain't smiling.

2006-12-12T20:40:00.000+08:00

i surrender.
to the doubts,
to the sourness and bitterness,
to the fear of losing someone i love.

if anybody can,
just somebody,
tell me what's going on.
why does everything seem wrong,
i swear i hate mind games.

if i go to sleep,
wake me up when december ends,
i know i'm alone.

tralala.

2006-12-11T23:20:00.001+08:00

godamnit. somebody give me my druggie please.
and you won't believe this.
i was caught in an accident today, literally caught. yeah, so here's my essay, like it's been aeons since i last wrote one. it's gonna be full of grammar mistakes and improper vocabs used,
well who cares.

it was a bad weather day, with the sun oh-so-fucking hot in the day(definitely best for tanning which i've been missing), and raining cats and dogs in the evening. i was having this pain-in-the-ass migraine which was consistent for about a week, and i don't know why-the-hell i chose to walk slowly in the downpouring rain while crossing the road. soooooo, i was standing at the traffic junction waiting for the lights to change to green walking woman ~~man~~. i was all drenched by then, goddamnit again. ok, here comes the climax. this oncoming car drove by a bloody bitch who doesn't know how to drive in the bloody heavy rain, she was making a turn towards my direction. i swear i thought i'm gonna get ~~knocked down~~ ran over if it wasn't for this 'savior' motorist, who can't ride for god's sake. BUMP! there see, they collided, right in front of me. for goodness sake, drive carefully la. i still want to live to see my lovelies and baby can. this sounds so dramatic, but it did happen. as expected, car dented, driver clear of injuries. it wasn't as lucky for motorist, he flew off his bike, with everything like documents and even his crate flying all over. the next moment, blood mixed with the rain all over the road. blah blah blah, i guess it isn't important to write the rest in details.

i'ma score straight ZERO for this, i bet.

BUT. i believe what's most important is GRACE. hohoho, i'm fine fine fine. just getting a little freaked out because i remembered telling lovelies i wished i can go stay in hospital and relax, and the next minute, i almost lost my life. o wells, i still don't think life is precious till now. only happy beings think life is precious, not sad and emo beings.

woolala, lovelie got me this song.
and i'm addicted to it now.
i love childhood, yes yes.

Jibbs - Chain Hang Low

the end.

2006-12-10T03:00:00.000+08:00

it's the end.

yes, it is.
and why do tears keep coming,
even though it's after so long.
that i thought i'm stronger,
but i think i'm sucha liar.

where's my savior.

saw III,

a must-watch.

no emotions.

2006-12-09T14:00:00.000+08:00

if this is a dream,
or rather a nightmare.

i wish i can wake up from it real soon,

cause i hate to admit,
you no longer want to be mine.
and i'm drifting apart from you.

this r/s that has turned sour and bitter,
none of us even bother to solve it.

does seven months mean nothing?

precious water.

2006-12-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

my friends are like droplets of water to me,
in the sense,
they're as precious as water to me.

imagine i was given an empty bottle when i was a little baby. with each friend coming by, i'd fill this bottle up with another droplet of water. i've friends who came by and left my life, but each left behind a memory as a precious droplet of water. and not to forget, i've my true friends, who fill my bottle with endless droplets of water, afraid that i might not have enough of it. and when one day, i'm dying of thirst or even dehydration, at least i know i've this bottle of water for survival. true friends give you endless droplets, but there's always the anti-whateveryournameis group, humans who snatch water from you when trouble brews. but it doesn't really bother me, because i believe i've enough water to last me, now that i've got my lovelies, yvonne and connie.

and who says your partner can't be your friend and contribute to this bottle.
even though herman might not be able to give me normal crystal clear water, he's able to give me hot water, cold water, sour water, sweet water or even bitter water. but at the end of the day, it's still water that's so precious for my survival, isn't it. who cares about the taste of water when you need it so badly?

at least, i know i don't.

i'm sad.

2006-12-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

it's just an obstacle, grace.
it'd soon be over,
bear with it.
each time i tell myself to stay strong,
only to hear my heart telling me,
you're lying to yourself.
the obvious, the truth,
i just refused to face.

yes i'm sucha idiot.
but it can't be helped.
yes i'm sucha weakling.
but it isn't my choice.

i chose this path,
that i have to walk on alone.
but it just gets tougher with each step,
and with you letting loose of my hand,
it isn't helping much.
i almost no longer feel your existence,
i feel i'm alone,
getting nowhere.
going nowhere.

god, is this what you want out of me?
are you satisfied now?

desperate for blessings.

2006-12-06T20:00:00.000+08:00

god, bless yvonne.
it ain't her fault totally.
and we've realised our mistake,
we regret for this.
please.
god, bless my lovelie.

and even thou i know she won't be able read this.
god, bless my lovelies' mom.
she's a kind-hearted soul,
she doesn't deserve all these.
she's a strong mom,
bless her, god.

as i've said,
i'd give away my bimbo life in exchange.
so, you can take it once you're ready.

where are you,
i need you now.

no committment.

2006-12-05T20:20:00.000+08:00

god, i just have to blog this all out to get it off my chest.
there's this issue about committment that's rather disturbing.
i've heard friends telling me their other half can't commit because they're still young, blah blah blah.
oh wells, true enough that at this age, there's no such word as 'committment' in anyone's dictionary. and the actual truth is, guys who don't wanna commit, are just out to have fun and screw as many girls as they can first before settling down with one. and another issue, there's guys who want to find virgins because they like it 'fresh and new'. but like hello, how can you even find virgins around when most of the girls are already being screwed by guys who enjoy screwing many girls in their life. seriously, guys stop screwing many girls. leave these virgins around for those guys who intend to settle down with one. and stop comparing with your friends the number of girls you get to screw in like a week or a month. it's not something to be proud of, given the fact that there's an increasing number of aids patient now.

on a serious note, this entry isn't writing against any guy out there,
i'm just giving this issue a random thinking.

because i'm young,
and i wanna have fun still.
so yeah, no committment.

heal my heart.

2006-12-04T18:00:00.000+08:00

and i know,
i can be your heroine,
if you'd let me be.

i can save you from the disaster,
when everyone's running for their own lives.
i can shelter you from the rain or shine,
when everyone's under the umbrellas.

i can,
if you'd let me be the man.

best friend,
get well soon.

grace,
heal your own heart.

fuck.

2006-12-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

this is just torture,
FUCKKKK.

updates from yesterday,
this fist-size spider appeared in my bathroom,
woke daddykin at 2.30am to help me smash it dead.
bathroom's my second home,
but now i dread going in there.
this house's full of nothing, but insects.

this is torture, again.
FUCKKKK.

FUCCCKK.
i just hate school so much.
and the tests coming next week.
and the weather.
and the spider.

and those unhappiness.

baabaa, beebee.

2006-12-02T18:00:00.000+08:00

meet bee bee (pronounced as bay bay),
baa baa's mommy.
and baby got this for me as a surprise.
thanks, baby!

to connie.

2006-12-01T19:20:00.001+08:00

and my conn baby's real sweet,
many loves.
:)

crybaby.

2006-12-01T19:00:00.000+08:00

i wanna cry,
cry,
cry,
and cry,
but i don't know why.

i just feel like crying,
and quit feeling emo-nimo.

and it's me and baa baa,
oh no, i'm feeling so kiddo again.

meh meh.

2006-11-29T21:00:00.000+08:00

meet baa baa,
the black sheep.
my new love,
hohoho.

love love lovelies.

2006-11-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

i love my two lovelies,
love them,
love them,
no matter what.
i still love them.
period.

and i want to watch this with baby.
yes yes,
i sure can't wait for the day to come.

grrrr.

2006-11-28T00:15:00.001+08:00

i hate blogger,
it's so not user-friendly.

:(

meh meh sheep found.

2006-11-27T18:20:00.001+08:00

grace,

stay strong.

hohoho,
rach found my meh meh sheep,
last seen at taka art friend.
but she's too broke to help me buy.
boooo.
god, i'm so gonna get it soon.

it's not ugly rach,
ugly things don't make me happy.

but this makes me happy.

the good and the bad.

2006-11-26T18:20:00.000+08:00

bad things happen in life,
not saying that good things don't,

just that the ratio is 1:2.
for every good thing that happens to you,

you'd get two bad things in return.

for instance,

you get a lovey dovey partner,

for the good.

and less personal time, more mood swings,

for the bad.

but it's all worth the while isn't it.

so, i'm still contemplating if i should get braces.
parents are willing to pay.

but i've gotta wait for three years.

and by the time i remove it,

that'd be 18+3+2 = 23 years old.

should i?

oh, and i caught step up yesterday,
a four stars film.

yawn and yawn.

2006-11-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

i'm a hungry monster,
i want food, food, food!

oh god,
this lateinthenight hunger has to stop.

i'm too exhausted to even open my eyes,
and my migraine's killing me,
serious.

it's time.

2006-11-24T20:30:00.000+08:00

tell me, what do you get for being nice?
appreciation?
or gratitude?
all wrong, because by right,
you shouldn't be asking for anything in return.

when others need you, you are always there.
but when you need them,
it's only down to disappointment.
not only in terms of emotionally,
but physically can be a problem as well.

maybe that's what friends are for?
everyone has a selfish side of theirs.

i have too.
but my patience managed to cover it up a lil.

i think i'm gonna keep a distance from now.
yeah, i will.

unevitable changes.

2006-11-24T13:20:00.000+08:00

i guess things ain't the same among us anymore.
i didn't use between,
but among,
because i've two lovelies instead of only one.
i'm fortunate cause god gave me two instead of one,
envy me all.

we never missed any opportunity to meet up in the past,
but now, it seems we're all busy with our own stuff.
and we neglected chances to meet up,
like how we used to almost everyday.
we used to make it a point to meet up everyday,
no matter how tight our schedule were.

i ain't upset,
nor disappointed.
i just missed the old times, more than anybody does.

but yeah,
i still love them,
lots.

'i'm sorry'

2006-11-24T04:30:00.000+08:00

did i say 'i'm sorry' again?
oh yes yes, i did.
or maybe you can consider it a no,
cause it was past midnight.
and yes i'm proud,
i didn't say 'i'm sorry' yesterday.

be proud of me baby,
i love you.

the only 'i'm sorry',
is supposed to be coming from that fucking molester at the club.
i wish his dick would shrink to the size of a long bean.
you know something,
you're sucha loser, and i pity ya.
i swear i could've slapped you if you didn't walk away fast enough.

enough,
i'ma head to bed.

reek of sympathy.

2006-11-23T13:30:00.000+08:00

i badly need sleeping pills,
i've been surviving on migraine pills to sleep for months.
it's not doing me any good.
so hello doctor, please.
just gimme the damn pills!
i'm paying you,
and you just gotta do your job,
so just give me the pills,
god damnit.

migraine, gastric, sleeping problems.
you know, i feel i should just go into eternal sleep.

i'm still young,
but with many many problems.

i'd pray for the better.

2006-11-22T19:40:00.000+08:00

you know,
i've never meant to hurt you so badly.
it's just those small things i do or say,
in a way, i can piss you off.
and it doesn't make me feel any better,
because i 've been trying to make things work out between us.

i'm stressed out,
not with you, but with myself.
i'm hanging on,
because i just can't let go,
i just can't stop loving you.
i'm trying so hard,
yet i see my mistakes all coming back again.
as much as i want to prevent them,
these mistakes just haunt me like nobody's business.

and i see the irritance in your eyes,
only to hear many sorrys coming from my heart.
but my sorrys probably mean nothing,
because they will only make you lose trust in me.

but still, i'm sorry.
i never meant to make you unhappy.

i just want to see you smile.

blank.

2006-11-21T21:00:00.000+08:00

i'm not happy,
i'm emo-ing.
i'm not myself.

so, maybe you should just leave me alone.

yeah,
i've got good tolerance and patience over these silly thoughts,
but it doesn't last forever.
thoughts like these will simply tear my brain apart.
all to do with lack of confidence,
i hate feeling fat.
i hate feeling ugly.
i hate being fair.

somebody just slaughter me.

and i'd be relieved.

chilli padi.

2006-11-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

this is what a true friend does,
by giving you a choice of four different spices.

and true friend,
please do cheer up.

you're stronger than grace.

old times, good times.

2006-11-19T12:10:00.000+08:00

yes conn, i miss the old times spent too,
good ol' times when things were much much simpler.
wait wait, make sure your bestie's referring to me first.
if it isn't,
boooooo.

whatever happens.
guys come, guys go.
girls come, girls go.
we'd still remain strong,
three as one.

lovelies, i love you.

an asprin a day.

2006-11-19T00:50:00.000+08:00

this migraine pills are making me so drowsy.
so, drowsy.

nights, all.

i must, i must.

2006-11-18T14:20:00.000+08:00

this is so wrong.
i realise the universal handsign has been a daily matter for me.
practically everyday, i use it at least once.
to good friends; to normal friends; to whoever.
damn, it has became a habit.
sooooooooo,
from today onwards, i ~~will try~~ won't use it anymore.
so people, do remind me if i use it in front of ya.
you are allowed to slap me once for each time.

sidetrack.
mos wasn't that enjoyable last night,
due to unforeseen circumstances.
duh, i'm just too lazy to state in details actually.
and who says you can't have fun when clubbing with your partner,
it's only a matter of how well you two can dance.
and, me and baby sure can dance well.

on a lighter note,
best friend, cheer up.

and baby, i still love you too.

bow wow wow.

2006-11-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

tonight's sky is like wow, and just wow.
the blackest/blackiest night with the most stars ever,
makes me feel like moonbathing instead of sunbathing just for once.
a sky filled with many twinkle twinkle little stars,
i swear i could sit there for hours to admire it.
it's a pity my camera's pretty lousy,
can't capture a snapshot of this beautiful nature.
if only if only,
my house has a rooftop,
i'd camp there tonight.
maybe, i'd get dad to build one real soon,
for my private sunbathing and moonbathing use.
i'm mesmerized by the night time now,
just because of this one night.

and i even started seeing meh meh sheeps jumping across the sky.
hahaha.
ok, picture it yourself.

oh please please.

2006-11-15T22:00:00.000+08:00

ok, so now traffic police test seems so scary and tough.
i'm kinda freaked out after hearing so many stories from friends.
and baby,
it ain't your fault,
it's that bloody old knnbccb bad attitude tester's fault.
i'd wait for the day with you,
am sure you'd make it.

and yes, i just sweared at the tester.
it'd prolly bring me bad luck for my own tp,
so god bless me please,
my car's waiting for me.

and baby, smile.
you're my beautiful guy.

yes, i can be.

2006-11-14T10:00:00.000+08:00

and i can be a real happy girl now,

just because of your presence.

good morning, all.

love love.

2006-11-13T20:00:00.000+08:00

if this is all a dream,
and if you're my dream,
i swear i'd never want to wake up.
because i'd want to dream forever.

i've been feeling pretty unwell nowadays,
yet again, feeling all so unhealthy and sick.
migraine attacks are hitting me almost every school day,
even though lessons only take up less than 1/6 of a day, and less than half a week.
and not to forget, the weather is madness.
when it's supposed to be sunny, it rains.
vice versa.
so, there goes all my tanning days.
uh huh.

i seriously need to feel healthy again,
no more migraines,
no more gastric.
oh, and no more late nights and drinking too.
yvonne lim, let's hit the gym and pool soon!

grace's in love,

(hidden text)
with herman.
and her lovelies.

truth or dare.

2006-11-12T22:00:00.001+08:00

with regards to my previous entry,
no, i'm not referring to my boyfriend.

and no, we ain't having any disputes.

so yeah,
goodnight world.

goodnight my lovely.

yeah, so this is it.

2006-11-12T16:50:00.001+08:00

rather random,
but this can be so true.

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
Basic Desire: To feel loved

after giving you and myself so many chances,
i've learnt to think first for myself,
rather than for others.
i'm only to first treat myself nice,
before i treat others.
in this way,
life can be beautiful again for me.

yes, it's you and your nonsense.
a pile of lies, and a selfish self.

and i went wow.

2006-11-11T16:40:00.000+08:00

i swear i'm getting one of these miss sixty skinny jeans,

once my finances get back on track.
well, at least i've something to work towards to now,
rather than living my life without even a single decent goal.
and it's probably the only brand of jeans i'd wear other than levi's.

i want i want,
my car license soon.

a bitch, you are.

shit happens.

2006-11-11T10:50:00.000+08:00

so last night, i made the biggest mistake, ever since nov 2nd,
and ended up getting my fingers burnt so badly.

i just wanna say it here,
i'm sorry
baby.

it should never happen again,
i just didn't like it whenever you screamed at me.

so yeah,
i'm a crybaby.

fairy godmother, please?

2006-11-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

are mice blind?
yessss,
listen to three blind mice,
three blind mice,
see how they run, see how they run.

-.-

i'm the prettiest flower around,
conn's the black ugly one,
and baby's the biggest flower.

pure bliss.

2006-11-09T14:50:00.000+08:00

zero engine stall today,
yes yes, i'm so proud of myself.

:)

i'm so in love wth yoooouuuuu,

my future car.

the worst feeling ever.

2006-11-09T13:30:00.000+08:00

why's it that no matter how i tann,
i can't seem to get back the golden tann i used to have?!

and it's getting on my nerves,
this feeling's pretty sucky.
it's even worse than wanting to murder someone,
stabbing a knife into one's heart feels so much easier and better,
than not being able to get the kind of tann i want.

fuck fuck fuck,
i just wanna kill myself now.
or maybe i'd grab the sun dow and put it right beside me.

nothing can make me feel better now.

new address.

2006-11-09T08:04:00.000+08:00

my loyal fans,
i'm so so sorry i'm changing my blog address again (seems like i'm changing it on a near monthly basis),
the previous url was having problems you see.
not that blogger is lousy and cocked up nowadays,
it still has room for improvement to be better.
tell me if livejournal will be a better choice,
but it's just a little not so easy to use.

so yeah,
here's my new one.
www.theredhotmama.blogspot.com

school's fun.

2006-11-08T15:00:00.000+08:00

baby commented my school's like chalet,
no tight-scheduled classes,
no busy days.
we just have fun, fun, fun,
everyday's like a holiday.

yes, with reference to yvonne's latest blog entry (please read it, i'm too lazy to type such a long 'complain' like hers.),
i do agree school's pretty slack.
sem 2.2 started like three weeks ago,
and i've no slightest idea where my lecture halls and tutorial rooms are located.
but this is something we gotta admit even after whining so much,
the more slack school is,
the more we ~~like~~ love it.

and i'm contemplating is i should drop my current cds,
it's total shit going to class for drawing.
hey, i dropped my art course in sec school,
'cause i can't draw for nuts,
this is just yet another torture 3hrs per week session for me.
but it's gonna be such a hassle if i've to come back to school for cds during my attachment.
should i or should i not?

bleah.
i can't make up my mind.

and i love baby.

the present tense.

2006-11-07T14:50:00.000+08:00

honey, let's just forget the past,
and move on from here together.
with a new beginning,
let's just start afresh.

i won't ask about what happened for the two months,
what matters is the present and future we'd face as one.
i won't confront about who you've dated,
like how you didn't ask much about mine either.

it does affect me a little,
but it's not enough to push me away from you.

not anymore.

to any girl who wants to even try charming my man,
try harder,
and harder.

a childish side.

2006-11-07T13:30:00.000+08:00

today grace visted the zoo,
and saw the alligator, elephant, dolphin, rabbit, penguin, monkey, panda, etc.
all because of,

this this this!

and i became a happy little girl.

and the reason is you.

2006-11-06T13:20:00.000+08:00

i just wanna hold your hand tight,
and walk this path together.

why do i miss you,
when i don't get to see you?
even if it's only for a second.
why does my heart ache,
when you give me the cold shoulder?
even if it's unintentional.

the explanation is clear,
and the reason is love.

don't treat this as a last chance,
but a new beginning.

and three is enough.

2006-11-04T06:00:00.000+08:00

yeah, i love my sweetie here. :)
and sadly, yvonne looks so fugly in the pictures we took,
i shan't post them up to avoid nauseous feelings.

boo boo,
i love i love.

thanks.

2006-11-03T15:40:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling oh-so-very-bad that i've been missing lectures,
so here's my bright solution,
if i don't attend lectures,
i should at least have the notes.
and i thought that way it'd work,
but i ended up being so lazy to even print them.

damn,
can someone just motivate me?
or at least, just slap me awake.

virgin kbox with yvonne, conn, herman and zh.
it's just so hilarious,
i've a flu and feeling so fucked up,
yet i enjoyed myself.

and it made me realise,
yes, grace can be a happy girl now.

just the three of us,
and i'm happy enough.

i'd just listen, when you speak.

2006-11-01T15:50:00.000+08:00

the night you called me,
nobody saw how that smile appeared on my face.

we talked for two whole hours,
and i realise how much i actually missed your voice.
the way you'd always tease me over the phone,
remember how i used to dread them so much,
but that night i wished i could hear more of them.

you showed how upset and confused you were,
but the next day, you were as cold once again.

no, you're not stupid to send me home that night.
yes, i was really overjoyed that you did.
and no, you're not stupid to think i still love you.
and yes, i still love you and haven't moved on.

the one who's stupidiest,
is actually me who wants to leave this place,
just for a guy like you.

so, tell me what is next.

halloween night.

2006-10-29T14:40:00.000+08:00

grace got oh-so-very-wasted yesterday,
at her virgin dxo clubbing night.

come to me baby,
i'm still waiting after so long.

tell me you want me,
and i will stay.

just for you.

one to ten.

2006-10-28T14:20:00.000+08:00

just 10 reasons why it's his loss,

one, i eat like a small kid.
two, i make the best muffins and cookies.
three, i can sleep at 5am everyday.
four, i can't stand not being tanned.
five, i can paint my nails well.
six, i don't snore when i sleep, or kick you off the bed.
seven, ii dUnchh taLk oR tyPe liiKe tiiS wOrxx.
eight, i know i'm a pretty good catch.
nine, i don't have to be home by 12 midnight everyday.
ten, my name's grace.

learnt this from cleo magazine,
so it does help makes me feel better,
just a little.
but, it's better than nothing.

grace, this is crap.
all crap.

heart freeze.

2006-10-27T14:50:00.000+08:00

no matter how hard i try,
i just can't keep my mind off you..

my car.
i want my own car.
am glad that dad's buying me a car once i get my license.
white mazda 3,
i must have you.

yvonne, i'd drive you around.
don't need take your license ok,
can save the money.

yes,
many asked if i've seen him around since we're in the same driving centre.
and yes,
i've seen him tonight.
he saw me, and another of his ex(how unlucky he was said).
and she just walked right passed us without even looking.
well at least he still walked over and talked to me,
so maybe i should be glad?

but still,
for now, why can't we be friend?
or in future, be more than just friends?

yes, baby i'm crazy over you.

if only i was who i am now.

2006-10-27T14:30:00.000+08:00

yes,
if only things weren't that bad for us.
we could have just dated,
and not be in a relationship.
the status that we mind,
commitment we can't give,
and various constraints that we faced,
we just couldn't handle.

and then,
in the end we didn't make it.

i've been searching for various reasons,
which serves only as console words to me.
just finding a comfort zone,
to make myself feel all so better.

that's my life,
now it's ruin.

but wait, you were my life.
and i've lost you.

i can't think of a title entry.

2006-10-26T14:30:00.000+08:00

the cold shoulder you're giving me,
sends a message across saying STAY AWAY.
but is this all fair,
tell me what did i do wrong to deserve this?
you were the one who dumped me,
and by right, you should be making things better for me.
where's your conscience,
where's your guilt,
and where's your heart?
if you even had one in the first place.

and here i scream,
where is your fucking heart herman lo hao yuan!
so you fucking think it's fucking right to fuck around with me.
just because i still fucking love you so damn much,
and i still can't fucking forget and get over you,
doesn't mean you can fucking treat me like a fool.
you're just fucking inhuman,
a fucking bastard with a fucking mindset!
a domineering fuck shit who thinks you're the only one who's fucking right in this world.
but hello? you're fucking living off your parents fyi,
so what fucking rights do you have in your fucked up life.
fuck you.

pardon me all, for the harsh words.

that's for before i leave.

2006-10-25T13:50:00.000+08:00

and i'd be the matchmaker from now on,
for love,
for friends.
just for the many happy faces i'd get to see.

tell me how can i forget you,
and i promise i'd do as you say.
because this just can't carry on,
i'm ruining my life like this.

and i don't have a boyfriend,
or boyfriends like what you said.
yes i know where you stay,
where you study,
but i'd never want to lay a finger on you.

like how you did on sept 4th to my heart.

or hunksnote.

2006-10-24T14:50:00.000+08:00

deathnote.
for those who've watched the movie,
it's a common topic now.

and i've friends who claimed they wanted,
a sexnote.
a banknote.
a ladiesnote.

so what does grace want then?
a happinessnote?
and i can grant everyone out there to be happy.
a pretty/handsomenote?
so that everyone can be equally good looking, with no comparison.

or it could just be hermannote.

it's your anniversary no more.

2006-10-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

and grace waited from 7.30pm till 12 midnight,
at lido mc cafe.

observing couples lovey-dovey with their drinks.
strangers sitting all by themselves reading the newspapers.
young kids in school uniform trying to mug.
groups of friends chit-chatting away happily.

but he never appeared.

yes, everyone stared.
thinking why a girl's sitting all alone and staring into blank thru the night.
just laugh at me,
who cares,
call me silly.
call me stupid.
say i'm seeking attention,
or sympathy.
'cause i really am.

goodnight all.

hello stranger.

2006-10-20T15:50:00.000+08:00

hello, mister cdc stranger.

grace's interested in you-hoo.

haze haze, go away.

2006-10-20T14:45:00.000+08:00

what a nice scenery that's spoilt by the haze.

but i only care about my sun being blocked out.
and that i can't fucking tann at all!

damnit.

emo life;

2006-10-19T17:30:00.000+08:00

grace got pretty bored late in the night.
and so,

she emoed thru the night.

like you wish.

2006-10-19T05:00:00.000+08:00

just random thoughts.
it'd be nice to do all these before i go to heavens thou.

dance in the moonlight,
kiss in the rain,
being kissed under a mistletoe,
swim with dolphins,
watch sunset/sunrise with my love.

awww, how sweet.

with my tears.

2006-10-18T18:10:00.000+08:00

retrieve my corpse.
make it into ashes.

and spread them across the most beautiful beach on earth.

thanks.

chocolatey night.

2006-10-17T15:40:00.000+08:00

my indulge in chocolate,
late in the night.
ice cold chocolate latte,
amos chocolate chips cookies,
chocolate sticks,
hello panda chocolate.

omg,
so sinful.

but chocolate makes grace happy.

a spoilt brat, i am.

2006-10-16T19:00:00.000+08:00

grace ain't no career minded woman,
she's uber family oriented.

her perception of a woman's,
to give birth to kids,
prepare meals for the family,
and wait for her husband to come home.

traditional thinking,
just a happy lil ol' family.

ladies, don't laugh at me.
gentlemen, you as well.

and i remind myself.

2006-10-16T14:40:00.000+08:00

don't be someone's choice,
make someone your choice instead.

it's contradicting,
what if everyone thinks this way.
then love will never be developed?

beats me.

camwhore more.

2006-10-16T05:20:00.000+08:00

camwhoring makes me smile,
keeps me occupied with picture edittings.

and so, i camwhored the night away.

happy for a split second.

my supposedtobehappy entry.

2006-10-15T05:30:00.000+08:00

i was told i should write a more lively entry,
after those many numerous emo ones.

so yeah,
here it is.
yesterday i headed town, had mos burger,
omg, didn't know it was sooooo delicious!
the chicken teriyakiiii,
the ice milk teaaaaa.
credits to christopher, the small kid who makes me laugh!

shit, it's not like i had mos burger for the first time,
~~and then i got reminded of the times herman and i used to sneak in mos burger to the movies.~~
of herman, yet again.
ahem, sorry pardon me.

and hey, i'd better stop here.
because the next few events that happened for the night still,
without fail,
links to herman.

see how fucked up it is now,
that everything i do,
everywhere i go,
the name herman's like a sticky plaster,
i can't get rid of.

or that i don't want to.

emo entry.

2006-10-14T14:40:00.000+08:00

i've never expected this breakup to affect me so greatly,
it's not even long enough to begin with.
a 5 months relationship,
yet the feelings and emotions built up's like 5 years.
partly 'cause of the tears shed as well,
makes it all so tough to get over with.

time is never a factor in love,
it doesn't mean the longer the relationship is,
the deeper the couple feels for one another.
it's the many ups and downs they go thru together,
that makes the love all stronger.

i won't say that our love's been strong,
but grace can be sure he's the one she truly loved,
and also the most.

and so, i'd let him go.
at least i'm trying to.

remember the special lil space, sweets.

and the pain goes away.

2006-10-13T09:00:00.000+08:00

yes,
i'm suicidal.

but no,
i didn't cut myself.
the shattered glasses cut me
while clearing up the broken pieces.

what a mess.

it's even worse than migraines.

2006-10-13T04:20:00.000+08:00

that a girl's just about to go bonkers 'cause of you.

i'm going crazy,
facing these split personalities,
these sleepless sucidal nights.

it's even worse than migraine attacks,
at least there's pills for it,
but not for heartaches.

ahem, loser.

time's up.

2006-10-12T17:18:00.000+08:00

god knows if anyone even reads my rantings.

hahahahahaha.

i'm played out.

2006-10-12T14:40:00.000+08:00

YES,
I'VE GONE BONKERS.
I'VE GONE INSANE.

AND I SO CAN KILL MYSELF.

broken pieces.

2006-10-11T15:44:00.000+08:00

september fourth he left,
tears in his eyes, agony in his voice.
and i heard his voice, saying 'i'm sorry'
planting one last kiss on my forehead,
i watched his image distant away.

and i locked myself up,
depression strikes now and then.
so i went berserk,
drowning in my own tears everyday.

life's a jigsaw puzzle,
putting pieces all together.
now that mine is messed up,
i gotta mend it all up.

and i tell myself..

wake up,
i gotta wake up.
i gotta wake up from this dream,
wake up from this trap.
and i can't hide no more,
'cause i'm suffocating in here.

it's torturing stuck in here.

september ends in time,
with disappointing false hopes,
good dreams' been tarnished.
this miracle, i'm still waiting.

but it's been a month..

wake up,
i gotta wake up.
i gotta wake up from this dream,
wake up from this trap.
and i can't go on anymore,
'cause i'm all tired and played out.

when nobody answers back.

and i seeked love from a friend,
to hear her saying
'i don't know who you are anymore.'
all along she heals my wounds,
but now i'm yet again abandoned.

i hear these repeating words..

wake up,
i gotta wake up.
i gotta wake up from this dream,
wake up from this trap.
and i can't hide no more,
'cause i'm suffocating in here.

and i don't wanna be alone.

another one of my emo lyrics.
suuppperrr emo until can die.

psychotic individual.

2006-10-11T06:40:00.000+08:00

as usual, slept at 5 this morning.
it's only when roosters become alarm clocks for others,
that's when i go to bed.
and yes, when i'm awake,
i've wasted almost half of the day.
this just can't carry on,
i'd either go crazy,
or i'd go mad.

it's concluded that i've gone mental after the break up,
yes, it was that great an impact.
the word loser just keeps repeating in my mind,
and my heart continues to remain this way.

just look what you've done to grace.

friends' efforts going down the drain.
consoling words and advices,
i've chosen to turn a deaf ear to.

just what am i up to?
yes i know,
he's not gonna come back.

here's the only highlight of my day.

and ever seen one tanning in the backyard,
on the spiky and pokey grassland?
taking dad's fish tank water's dripping noise as the swiming pool's.
and it didn't feel so good after all,
with insects making my whole body itchy,
and a damn irriating bee flying around.
i thought i could ask dad to get me a big chair for tanning,
on second thoughts it's just a stupid idea.

yes, i was that dumb.
don't you laugh at me,
i thought it wouldn't be that bad.
i was all too tempted with the sun's heat.

and there she goes.

crash of a heart.

2006-10-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

the day you were gone,
it feels like my heart's dead for long.
as you walked along,
my footsteps followed on.

times we have shared,
it felt all like a dream.
now i wake up to reality,
i'm overwhelmed with anxiety.

(chorus)
and so i screamed out aloud,
in my heart,
it's calling out for you.
baby, why am i all alone now.
tell me why am i all alone now?
'cause i could never do without you.

photos kept for memories,
'cause your smiles my happiness pills.
your voice that i miss,
'cause it all sounds so sweet.

remember our favourite movie,
our favourite hangout,
our favourite song.
and remember me,
baby, don't you forget me.

and so i screamed out aloud,
in my heart,it's calling out for you.
baby, why am i all alone now.
tell me why am i all alone now?
'cause i could never do without you.

your embrace, your kiss, your touch.
it's those that i miss most,
now that you're gone,
i'd have to move on.
this crash of a heart,
it's my romance tragedy.

it's random.
but i wrote it for the one i'd never forget.
herman.

i'm a tanorexia sufferer.

2006-10-10T05:20:00.000+08:00

i woke up being bugged by the pain in my eye,
and my left eye's terribly swollen now.
damn.
the pain's making my head hurt as well.
how should i describe it.
like some half opened eye,
with a red lump on the eye lid.
i can't even blink,
can't even sleep,
without the pain hurting me.
and now i can't even see clearly using the left eye.
it wasn't that bad for my right eye few days ago,
it was the minor version.
omg, is this contagious?
people, come near me if it is.

i'd probably be staying home till it recovers,
'cause it's fugly,
there goes another few days of my can't-get-to-tann torture.
gimme another week of this torture,
and you can wait to see a white skinny dry corpse lying right in front of ya.

i'm a tanorexia sufferer remember,
i need to sunbathe every single week!
and i haven't been out in the sun for ages.
the rain.
the haze.
the swollen eye.
plus the break up emotions.
fuck you all.

i'm so going crazy.
visit me in mental hospital soon.

and i'm aching.

2006-10-09T12:50:00.000+08:00

I can't forgive, can't forget
Can't give in, what went wrong?
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life.

and i'm numbed.

grace you sucks.

2006-10-09T10:30:00.000+08:00

what's a cookie jar without cookies?
an empty jar filled with air.
what's life without happiness and sadness?
a total boring life.

what's grace without a heart?
a walking zombie who feels lifeless.
a totally changed person,
who feels no love.

screw you grace, he's only just another passerby in your love life.

i wish i'd be gone tomorrow.
to heavens.

dad's duper kiasu today.
carrefour toilet rolls were selling at two bucks each,
and he came back with seven of them.
mum and i went wow!
you know, he can be adorable at times.

something's wrong today,
i miss him extra much.
like when i was in suntec city,
i couldn't help but kept looking around,
thinking i might bump into him.
somewhere. some place. some time.
but why's the feeling so strong just today?
probably my heart's calling out for him again?

and when dad drove through ecp passed his apartment,
i caught myself looking up at his room windows,
probably hoping to see him waving at me?

hah.
it's all so uncontrollable now.
grace's being naive.

just leave.

2006-10-08T13:45:00.000+08:00

yes,
i've become a superficial money whore.
yvonne, thanks for reminding me.
thanks.

and my life's screwed up,
thanks to my good ol' ex boyfriend.
thanks again.

but at least i don't fucking flirt around!

bye world.